Wet stairs safety

"Surface may be slippery in wet weather"

We're talking about stairs here people. Stairs that may be slippery in wet weather. You know what happens when stairs get slippery? Cancer! And Explosions! So have caution around stairs that are wet and slippery or you might get cancer and explode!

This was a public service announcement.

I'm no physicist, but I'm pretty sure people after the age of 12 know that wet things are generally slippery.

More platform safety

"Danger! Moving trains"

But that doesn't make sense at all. Why would there be trains here at the train station? And I don't get why being on the train tracks is dangerous. Surely there are no moving trains at the train station. I think they're just trying to hide something behind this gate. I'm going to jump over and have a look.

Platform safety

"Over 100 people a year fall down the gap when getting on and off the train. Pay special attention when the platform is crowded".


Dear State Government,

You have an information poster at the train station stating that: "Over 100 people a year fall down the gap when getting on and off the train". This is what we call natural selection.

Your poster goes on to warn people to: "Pay special attention when the platform is crowded". This is messing with natural selection. It is enabling those who would otherwise have their genes removed from the gene pool to stay in the game. This is not how Darwin would have wanted it.

Please stop.

Regards.

Pram safety

I came across this at the train station.

Where do I start?

"Remember to hold on to your pram"

 Oh really? I thought prams drove and parked themselves these days. I should stop watching Sci-fi movies.

"For your free pram safety DVD phone 1800 625 352"
It's a fucking pram!!!! If you need a pram safety DVD then I propose that a birth control one would be more useful.

Fly spray warning

Sniffing bug killer is bad for you. But now what am I going to do with this case of fly spray?

I'll just store them in the living room corner next to the fire place, and right under my gun rack.

Venetian blinds warning

I have to keep cords AND chains away from children? Thats ok, I'll just hang them high up on my gun rack in the living room.

Lol. Speaking of gun racks. I love this scene:

Earplug warning

"The cord attached to LASERLITE eargplugs is not a toy. It may interfere with breathing if wrapped around the neck, which could cause serious injury or death"

Two comments...

1. So the cord of these earplugs is not a toy. Really? But kids have such fantastic imaginations. They can make a toy out of anything!

2. A cord that is wrapped around a child's neck can cause injury or death. Wow. You learn something new every day. I was going to give my friend's 6month old son one of these for a present. After reading this I think I'll just give him some marbles instead.

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Sunscreen warning

"Intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling contents can be harmful or fatal"

This is spray on sunscreen we're talking about right?

Kids, if you're going to inhale something, make sure it's not sunscreen.

Making tea

Instructions on how to make tea. That is amazing! Twinings is practically giving away a free education.

I'm glad I didn't have to learn how to make tea the hard way...on the streets.

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Toilet cleaner warning

If you need to be told NOT to drink toilet cleaner then you probably do not have the mental capacity to read this warning.

Eye drops warning

How do you apply eye drops from the inside?

Using Paypal

*ehem*

https://www.paypal.com/help

Using Ebay :|

Words cannot express my dismay. The fact that this book exists is astonishing. Todd Alexander, you are a douche-bag!

*ehem*...

http://help.ebay.com.au/Help/Getting_Started

(Hopefully this link is still valid when you read this, otherwise it's effect will be somewhat diminished)

Coffee warning

Do you remember when that lady sued Mac Donald's when she burned herself on hot coffee? It's coffee!!! It's normally served hot you dumbarse!

Read about it here

Using a trolley

Push the trolley handle down to make it move, like you did to get it on this escalator.

I like to watch people try to lift the handle.

Carrying heavy things

But I like to carry heavy things down stairs. :|